A lot of thingz has been happenin in our livez lately.. The good, the bad the ugly.. U name it.. We got it.. Be it at werk, at home or in between uz..
Let's start with me ferst..
Previously, things at werk were atrocious, i tell u.. It juz felt like breakin down n cry in front of e whole wide werld.. I was pretty much pushed too hard n also was tryin my very best to make things better.. Stayed back late every nw n den juz to finish up the tasks as much as i could.. There was once, the beginning, i had 2 stae till like 8.15pm juz to complete the tasks.. OMG~ BF was pretty pissed n upset with that.. But thank God he had an extra helmet with him at werk.. So he told me to wait for him.. While waiting, i was practically chillin n sumwhat enjoin the 'nitelife' in a office on a FRIDAE.. Hahahaha.. When BF arrived, he looked super HOT in his FULL uniform.. *Singin* Oh My Gosh~~~~ Ok fine.. Mengakal moment... *slurp*
After that, we head down to Teh Tarik for dinner.. We had a luvly chat during dinner.. Den he received a msg frm Hus n he stated that on dat very nite, thr was a jamming session.. Enader last minute thing... Told him 2 pass the session, but Hus juz kept pleadin him 2 come with the reason the vocal is comin ova.. So ok lor.. Went home right after that, showered, n met him back... To tell u the truth, the vocalist is nowhr near FAME..
Regarding him plak, is basically abt his mom nagging at him 2 get a part tyme job.. Y laze ard at home without any benefits bla bla bla... That's all i noe la kan.. :)
Next, abt us.. Things got pretty much outta hand lately.. There were lotsa fights between us despite we were already ok.. Within a few minutes or perhapz the next dae, we'll start 2 fight again.. Stuffs about gettin a car, abt me, abt him, anything la.. But yesterdae was the werst in our fights list.. Blame me n my foul mouth n PMS.. Haiyah~ I didn't mean to blurt it out coz 2 me, he's not dat kinda person.. He'z juz someone who demands attention whenever he can get any.. And dat onli happenz when he's with me.. Like physically.. So yeah.. He saed somethin hurtftul to me the night before n i made it sound twice as hurtful.. Sometymes i wonder if 'twice' is even the correct calculation.. Could be more den dat.. N yes, i shot him straight in his head, wishing that i could juz point the tip of the gun at my head n juz pull the trigger...But that's equivalent to givin up. I fought for his love so bad. I won't wanna risk everything by givin up..
So we talked the nite awae.. Tryin meanz n waez to settle everything, but it turned out that i'm creatin more problemz in between.. I juz feel like runnin up 2 him n hug him as tight as i could.. Haiz.. I gave him mindless terms n conditions which was in a wae extremely difficult to even sae it out.. But it was saed out aniwae.. Heart was heavy.. It hurts like hell.... I've hurt the man i luved s0o dearly.. This tyme round, it will leave a permanent scar on him.. What haf i done...??? I'm sucha BYTCH....!!!
N yesterdae was fine.. I guess... Met him at his carpark as per normal n had dinner with him.. I talked to him during dinner n shared with him details he nids to noe.. Den along the wae, thru the end, somethin happened.. He was not his oldself.. I could it.. I tried to be nice to him.. But it didn't work out. He was still distant towards me.. But den again, all i could do is juz face up 2 him n smile, assuring myself things are going to be juz fine..
At nite, we chatted on e fone awhile before he started to sing.. I was serenaded by hiz tone n juz remain quiet.. He sang n sang n i wished we could've hung up earlier or maebe i could juz crack my brainz n opened a dumb topic.. He asked me a question which realli hurts me alot.. I tried to avoid it, but comin to e end of the conversation, i juz told him i respected his decisions.. Thinking that he already saed 'gdbye', i juz hung up the fone.. He called me back n saed that i hung up on him again... Wat e heck~ Enader misunderstanding.. He wanted to talk abt it the very nite, but i was too slpy already.. My head was already thumpin like mad it could juz explode..
Woke up the very next day n noticed that his msgs were not sincere.. It felt like as if he was forced to msg me.. So i juz texted him that if his not willing to send any msgs, dun bother.. N kabo0m..! The fight continued.. Haishh... We were arguing all the wae from the moment i left home till e very moment i reached the office.. Due to e headache i had, i took a cab..
I juz told him wat was really happenin n wat i'm realli facing. I told him i was apologetic n juz wanz thingz to b the wae it was... I wan the old him back.. I HATE the new him.. I totally DESPISE that person... So i told him that unless i get the old raffi back n m realli assure i got him back, things will definitely b ok.. But den again, onli tyme will tell..
We've been fighting alot lately & it's extremely sucky.. Both of uz juz wan the honeymoon period back.. Coz i can c that e period has sumwhat ended.. I'm tryin my very bezt 2 get that period back.. All i wan is the man whom i used to chase 4 mnths ago like hell - juz to get his freakin attention..
I luv u, ayah.. Alot... More than u can eva imagine.. Despite there are moments i might not show how much u mean 2 me, but truth is, i'm willing to take e bullet for u..
Signing Off : The Kitty Who Wanz The Man Whom She Used To Chase 4 Months Ago
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